One of the hardest things about growing up is that you no longer live in the same town as your friends. When you’re in school it’s more than likely that all of your friends live in the same town and you see each other every day in class. When you go to college (at least for me), many of those friendships fade and new ones grow with the people you meet in your college classes and activities. But when you graduate for good and move away it’s much harder to make friend and to keep the ones you’ve already made.
I found that after college I not only had to put more time and energy into maintaining my friendships, but I wanted to. The friends I had when I moved to the east coast (both from growing up and from college) were friends that I wanted to keep. So I had to figure out how to stay close with everyone despite living on the opposite side of the country, four time zones away. Thankfully, I feel like I’ve been pretty successful at staying in touch with and staying close with my long-distance friends. Part of it is probably luck, but part of it is definitely that both people in the relationship (me and my friend) have wanted to maintain the friendship. So here are some things that have been helpful for me in keeping my long-distance friendships.
First you have to decide to stay friends. This may sound silly, but it’s easy to stay friends when you see each other weekly so you don’t really think about it. Maintaining a long-distance friendship takes some work so you have to consciously decided to do it. And this only works if both sides are trying–much like a ~romantic relationship~ you have to want it and invest time in it.
Then you have to stay in touch. Seems like a no-brainer, but I’m mostly writing this down because there are many, many ways to stay in touch and you should figure out what works best for you. I have some friends that I communicate with largely by sending Instagram posts and chats back and forth with. Obviously this isn’t the only way we communicate, but it’s an easy way to tell someone you’re thinking of them. You see a post that reminds you of your friend and you send it on over. Other friends I text with, call on the phone, FaceTime, or even write letters or postcards to. Ideally there’s a mix of all these things. Don’t underestimate the power of writing out a simple, quick note on a postcards and snail mailing it to your friends. Everyone loves getting mail that’s really for them and it’s a simple way to show your friend you love them.
I also try to see my friends whenever we’re in the same space. So even if someone is stopping through DC for a conference or I’m spending two days in my hometown for Christmas, I’ll be sure to make time to touch base and catch up–even if it’s just for a cup of coffee. I once drove six hours round trip after work to meet a friend for late night drinks because she was one state away from me instead of thousands on thousands of miles away. (I’m not saying you have to do that because it’s pretty ridiculous, but I am saying it takes a certain level of commitment to keep the friendship alive.)
It also helps to have some traditions in place. My group of friends that I just did a girls weekend with has a few traditions that we keep. One is that we do a Secret Santa exchange every year for the holidays. We set a pretty easy price limit (usually $20) and do our gift exchange. If we can swing it, we meet up in the same city to exchange gifts, but if we can’t we make the commitment to group FaceTime each other while we open our presents. We’re also going to make that girls weekend an annual event, which brings me to my final point.
In every relationship (this was also something I did when I was in a long-distance relationship), it helps to have a light at the end of the tunnel of when you’ll see each other next. This makes it easier to get through harder times when you feel like you need your best friend next to you to cry or celebrate and gives you something to look forward to. If it’s possible, I like to make this an actual we are in the same city physically seeing each other moment, but sometimes it means planning out FaceTime or phone call dates. Anything that you can swing that will help you really talk.
I know it can seem difficult to stay in touch with long-distance friends, especially as you get older and your life gets busier and busier, but it’s truly the best kind of investment. I am sure I wouldn’t be where or who I am today if it wasn’t for the women in my life that I’ve stayed close with and I’m willing to bet they would say the same.
Take a second today and send your long-distance friend a text to say hi!
xoxo,
J
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