I’ve been thinking a lot about boundary setting lately. Maybe it’s because Tyler Calder has been talking about them on her Instagram stories, maybe it’s because I’ve been having conversations about them in my own life (online and offline). But whatever the reason, I think it’s important to talk about how we are setting boundaries for ourselves, our jobs, and our family and friends right now.
I strongly believe that it’s important to set boundaries in your life in order to be safe and healthy, but COVID is making that even more clear to me. I’m constantly reassessing what I feel comfortable doing and where I feel comfortable going and having those conversations with B (my partner) and my friends and family. These can be hard conversations, and can certainly be awkward, but honestly…I’m more concerned about feeling safe than I am about making other people feel awkward.
Right now, boundary setting for me looks like this:
- Talking with B before we go somewhere or do something to see what feels safe for us (i.e. will we be going inside somewhere, meeting friends, wearing masks with friends, staying 6 feet away from friends, etc).
- Assessing again once we get somewhere. This is where Tyler’s Instagram highlights are so helpful: she asked people about situations that you’re “NOPEing,” or deciding once you get somewhere that you don’t want to be there after all. For example, wanting to go hiking but then arriving at the trailhead and deciding that there are too many people for you so you go home.
- Talking with my friends ahead of time to decide what we will and will not do. This conversation looks similar to the one I have with B, but includes a lot of brutal honesty of telling friends I can’t see them.
- On a non-pandemic note, it also looks like me responding to work emails after a certain hour saying that I will get started on that project in the morning. Since I find it can be harder to stop working and relax when my home is also my office and I feel like I have no excuse to not be working.
- “I don’t feel comfortable doing that yet (right now).”
- “What if we (suggest a different activity that I feel better about)”
- “It’s important for me to feel safe, so I’m going to wait until I feel better about it.”
xoxo,
J
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